at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
