Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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