Church boner. Awkwardddd
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
