yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
