worst night to have a conscience
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
