What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize