i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
