Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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