i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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