Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize