So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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