so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
