I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
