i don't like sucking hair
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
