She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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