So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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