apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
