Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
