We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
