would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
