sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
