She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize