awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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