I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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