Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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