Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
