What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
barbara walters just said penis...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
