Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
