I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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