Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
