Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
