well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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