Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
