The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
