you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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