kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
