Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
