id be glad to
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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