I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
