Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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