I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize