Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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