Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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