You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize