i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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