Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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