im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
