Only a mothe r could love this liver
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
