come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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