seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your cock deserves a montage
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
