omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
