so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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