Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
