I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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