If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i think i just lost a toe
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
