White coat. Heels.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
