Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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