Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
