Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Drake has all the answers
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
