Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
