Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
