He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
