He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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