____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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