Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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