I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
