No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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