Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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